"They are sending me away!"

That is what the little voice told me from the other side of the phone.

I was trying to figure out who this was, and, for that matter, what was this all about for calling me so early in the morning.

Without much thinking, I heard myself saying "tell me more about it."

"Well, I went through my things and I found your number which I been saving for an 'mergency, and this is a big 'mergency."

"It is?"

"Yes. This is the day. They are sending me away."

By then, I figured the caller was a five or six year old, but I could not identify the child.

"Where are they sending you away?"

"Some place for good, Roberto, and I may never come back."

There was something in the way that he said my name that made a child pop out of my memory.

"Raphael?" I asked.

"Yes, is me, Raphael" the boy said matter of fact.

I had met this six-year-old boy at a concert, which I gave to some friends, up in the hills of northern California. Raphael, being part Mexican, was glad to see a Mexican performer, particularly -he said with passion in his eyes- the way he played the acoustic guitar. Raphael's grandma told me that Raphael had gone through some rough times and was in much need of a friend.

No problem. I found him to be a nice kid, with a vivid imagination. After the concert we sat down and talked for a while. Raphael had many questions, and I was glad to have some answers -it gets harder as they grow older you know. And we entered this zone that has some similarity with the one of master-student that characterized the old TV series "Kung-Fu." I could almost picture myself saying "That is so little grasshopper..." and at that moment, I knew that our friendship had been sealed forever. As I left, I told him that if he needed me he could get my phone with his Grandmother.

"Have you heard the name of this place where they are sending you to?" I asked.

Raphael thought for a moment and then said "The Something Something Day Care Center."

I laughed a little bit and asked, "What do you know about a Day Care Center?"

"Isn't it a place where they send you away for good?"

I laughed again, and told him that the good thing about Day Cares is that you get send there for a few hours and then you get to come back home on the same day!

I explained how the Day Care Centers work, and how the people there make learning fun.

Raphael was greatly relief after our phone conversation. And just to make sure things went well for him, I asked him to give me a call after his first day of Day Care. He did. He had gone from Hell to Heaven, all in the same day. But his Hell could have been avoided, if someone had taken the time to talk to him.

Many things go through the minds of our little ones. And they do know if you are someone who listens or someone who doesn’t. To test my listening skills, I often play with my two youngest kids a game. I become one of them, and they become Mommy and Daddy. Then I misbehave and they get to correct me and give me consequences. "Now, that is a bad decision" Emily -my three year old- often says. And at times, I am sent to time-out by Alexander, my four-year-old son. They enjoy having power over me, and giving me consequences for misbehaving. But what they enjoy the most, is sitting down and talking to me as if I am a child, and they are the grown-ups. That is how I have learned that Dinosaurs are three hundred years old -"that is why they are 'stint"- that fairies live inside an old tree, that monsters are good once they find a friend, and that lots of chocolate is good for you. I also have gotten to know their dreams and their fears.

I sit with them regularly and I marvel at how, time and again, they come up with something new. They stand in the land of creativity and imagination. And these powerful tools can give them joy and can give them anguish. We as older beings, can help them dissipate fears and overcome challenges, for as Alexander likes to say, "growing up is hard".

Why make it harder on them?

The world of children is small, yet full of wonder.

The world of adults is large, yet full of boredom.

Now, the best way to preserve a child-like view of the world is by becoming a friend of a child. Even the things that trouble them can awaken the child that lives in our hearts.

One thing that I have found is that children do not gossip. That is what is so refreshing about talking with them. While with most adults I find monotony and gossip, the voice of children is always a symphony, fresh, new, alive, and real. Their essential being is so close to the surface, while the one of the adult is buried deep down inside.

Children are also transparent. I don't think we shall be too obsessed in making them "good". They are good already. Goodness is who they are. If they experience anger, let us help them express it in a way that is non-destructive. But let us also help them identify this feeling. Feelings just are. There is nothing wrong with them. You don't imagine how much money they are going to save in psychotherapy by learning and implementing this simple truth. Fear is a feeling that we need not bury. Let’s bring it out, and fear looses much of its power. Raphael would not have been that afraid after talking to a friend even if he was going to be send away for good. Why? Because he trusted a friend with his pain. What is it that we can offer children? Ask them. They will tell you. They want you to be real. They want you to be you. And as you become who you are, you will find that the world that they describe is as real as they are.